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Myśl 95

Nie umiemy dobrze odmawiać. 

Albo akceptujemy propozycje, nie będąc nawet pewni, czy możemy na tym zadaniu się skupić, albo odmawiamy z wyrzutami sumienia. 

Jeśli powiemy tak, a wiemy, że nie będziemy w stanie wykonać tego zadania, w pewnym momencie tak czy siak będziemy musieli powiedzieć nie. Tylko wtedy to nie będzie zarówno źle odebrane przez drugą osobę, jak i wygeneruje złe emocje i myśli w nas.

Jeśli od razu powiemy nie, możemy narazić się na brak zrozumienia i opinię "Ach, on to ma wszystko gdzieś". 

Jest na to rozwiązanie, pozwolę sobie zacytować książkę "Free To Focus" Michaela Hyatta (niestety po angielsku):

Fortunately, there's a fourth strategy, affirmation. This is the response that works, usually creating a win-win for everyone without causing us to sacrifice either the relationship or our own priorities. This healthy response is what Ury calls a "positive no", and it's built around a simple formula with three parts: yes-no-yes. It works like this:
1. Yes. Say yes to yourself and to protecting what is important to you. This should also include affirming the other person. You don't want to shame others for thinking of you as a possible solution to their problem.
2. No. The answer continues with a matter-of-fact no that is clear and sets boundaries. Do not leave any wiggle room or ambiguity, and do not leave open the possibility that you might be able to do it another time. You aren't doing anyone any favors by making the person think you might help later if you know you probably won't. 
3. Yes. End the response by affirming the relationship again and by offering another solution to the person's request. That way, you aren't taking on the responsiblity yourself, but you are showing your care and support by helping solve the problem.

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